Family Councils

What is a family council?  How can it be helpful?  Why would we want to council with our family.  We will answer all three questions in this week’s blog –

First of all, what is a family council?  A family council is made up of the members of a family.  That could be just the husband and wife, the parents and their children, or whatever members are living together in a home at one time.  In my present home we currently have two family councils.  Me and my husband represent the first council, and the second is our children.  We live in a three-generational home, so it includes high school and adult children, a daughter-in-law, and a grandchild.

How can a family council be helpful.  The first way is by providing structure within our family by taking care of the basics.  Scheduling the calendar, dividing up chores, deciding who cooks dinner on which night.  Keeping the carpools organized and going, paying bills, and staying on top of homework.  This all happens within our family council that includes EVERYONE in the household.  We meet once a week and go over the calendar, then make sure everyone is staying on top of their chores and being responsible.  We talk about anything that isn’t working well in the household, or address any type of concerns.  It’s a safe place where we can speak candidly and we remind everyone of that each time someone speaks. Elder Ballard, an apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, gives this council, that parents should “teach their little ones in a loving, safe, and spiritual environment. In this divinely sanctioned partnership, husbands and wives work together, each bringing his or her unique contribution to the family.” In other words, parents should provide a loving and safe environment during family council.  Through this experience, children will learn to share, speak up, and problem solve as needed in their families.

The other family council consists of me and my husband.  We also meet once a week (or we try to at least) and discuss in similar fashion our calendar, our family, our relationship, his work, my schooling, our church callings – and whatever else seems to be important at the time.  We have goals for our us as a couple and for our family that we address.  The meetings aren’t long and we don’t talk about every subject every time, but it’s important to at least visit in the council so we can stay on top of things and keep our family and our marriage moving in the direction we want it to go.  There is an equality in our councils that is important. “neither is the man without the woman or the woman without the man,” (1 Corinthians 11:11) Same with our children.  It’s important we get everyone’s concerns and best ideas out on the table.  In the best selling book, Crucial Conversations, we learn that by teaching our children to speak and be heard we “surface the best ideas, make the highest-quality decisions, and then act on [the] decisions with unity and commitment.” This is an important skill for families to learn, to speak up, accept other opinions, and brainstorm for the best solutions to family problems.

The last question was, “why would we want to council with our family... and the answer is . . . . SO WE CAN BE HAPPY! When families are organized, (by planning

the calendar, for example) then problems are addressed. And when everyone has the opportunity to speak up and share, and when problems are solved (using the best ideas and brainstorming that follows) then families flourish.  Parents and children alike learn to listen to each other and each benefits through the exercise of learning and growing together.

Citations –

M. Russell Ballard (1997) Counseling With Your Councils. "Chapter 2: General Councils in the Church"

Patterson, Kerry. (Eds.) (2012) Crucial conversation :tools for talking when stakes are high New York : McGraw-Hill,